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”For Nathan, seeing this happen evoked complex emotions in his mind. These were other students, in the same school as he was, and, while he knew them well, he had never thought of them in this scenario. That part was strange and exciting. Seeing a girl, doing to them what his sisters had done to him, somehow validated his own behavior, even though these classmates were not related by blood. That was exciting too. Having his hands on a woman’s waist, and watching this erotic scene was also exciting. It was probably because of the combination of all that, that when Flossie did begin to move, with the obvious intent of making their presence known, and no doubt stopping what was going on, that Nathan’s grip on her waist tightened. He leaned in close to her, the front of his body touching her back, and whispered in her ear.“Wait!”Had he had the time to think things through, he wouldn’t have said that, of course. If he had allowed his social indoctrination to steer his actions, he would. *** Early adulthood, life struggle, the giftThe inner conflict of rejecting a part of my personality becameroutine. I tried hard to look manly and cool. If someone made jokesabout gays, I was the first to laugh. I even started dating girls. Itwas easy for me to get aroused when I touched their soft, delicate skinand beautiful long hair and felt their bodies react to my touch. Mylife as a "deepfake" became even deeper. But somewhere inside, Iunderstood that I could not go on like this forever. Death by overdosewas the most likely destination, and I felt terrified about my future.To save my sanity, I have tried to find my calling. Perhaps I couldfind happiness by occupying myself with something meaningful? But thatwas not easy as well.To make matters worse, I am also dyslexic. And the teachers at thelocal school had no idea and just proclaimed me stupid and lazy. So Ireacted by withdrawing and trying to avoid school as much as possible.Dyslexia and my school grades limited my career.
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